to you...

Today I woke up at 8 o´clock having had no insomnias in the middle of the night. It was good for a change.

I woke up really in the nick of time...

“oh god, I am late!”

And I jumped from the bed. I stumbled before putting on the slippers and ran to the shower, without time, without thinking, without realizing what woke me up.

The water started to fall and, although I was late, I got under it only when it was really warm.
It is so cold here now!

And I relaxed… to then really awake. I awoke for one more routine, I awoke to go to work. I awoke as I do every day, I simply awoke…

and I remembered… I remembered the dream that woke me up and which I didn’t want to finish. I remembered that I didn’t want to wake up.

In the dream me and my brother, Nuno, maybe 20 years younger, were playing in the balcony of a house, my house, but the dutch one, the one I didn’t grow up in, the one from which I am writing now.

We were seating in the plastic chairs that I have outside and had put aside the clothes hanger, so that we had space.

And me, the grown up inês, was in my room observing us outside as we were abstracted, lost in hugs, in laughs.

He was tickling me and I was giggling, he was grabbing me and I was running away.

And while me and nuno (the little ones) were having fun outside, at my room's door, he, at the same time, was looking inside the house, to me (the older me); and smiling...

I woke up when he blinked his eye at me, as if saying “I am here”.

...

I know you are.


-----------------------------------------------------------------

para ti...

hoje acordei ás 8h sem nenhuma insónia a meio da noite. Foi bom para variar...

Acordei em cima da hora...

“ai meu deus tou atrasada!”

E saltei da cama. tropeçei antes de calçar os chinelos e corri para o duche, sem tempo, sem pensar, sem me dar conta do que me despertou.

A água corria e, ainda que atrasada, entrei só quando já me parecia bem quente.
Está tanto frio agora!

E relaxei... para então realmente acordar. Acordei para mais uma rotina, acordei para ir trabalhar. Acordei como faço todos os dias, acordei simplesmente...

e lembrei-me... lembrei-me do sonho que me despertou e que não queria que acabasse, lembrei-me que não queria acordar.

No sonho eu e o meu irmao, Nuno, com menos uns 20 anos, brincávamos na varanda de uma casa, que era a minha, mas a holandesa, esta onde eu não cresci, este onde escrevo agora.

Estávamos sentados nas cadeiras de plástico que tenho lá fora e tinhamos desviado o estendal para termos espaço para estar.

E eu, a inês crescida, estava no meu quarto a observar-nos lá fora, infantis, perdidos em abraços, em sorrisos.

ele a fazer-me cócigas e eu a rir, ele a agarrar-me e eu a fugir.

E enquanto eu e o nuno, novinhos, nos divertia-mos lá fora, à porta do meu quarto, ele, ao mesmo tempo, olhava para dentro de casa, para mim, a inês grande, e sorria...

acordei com ele a piscar-me o olho, como se me dissesse “estou aqui”.

...

eu sei que estás.