Thursday 26 August 2010

I like rain
I like wind
but...
dont like rain when its windy
nor wind when its raining.

Saturday 14 August 2010

a lusitanian dawn...

Lisbon is so beautiful: Its night city lights, its up and downs along its hills, the typical side walks made of black and white stones and the traditional houses covered by tiles. Also the yellow trams crossing the roads and the Fado songs playing in each corner are beautiful, together with the smell of fish coming out from the opened windows and the fuss made by the crowds drinking on the streets.

All those small details could make me stay here the all day writing and writing about my (beautiful) place.

But today, while seating on the stairs of Bica and dazzling the dawn of Lisbon landscape, when the lights were already being turned off and the people starting to disperse and disappear, a girl approached me.

She was really thin and tired, her skin was covered by wounds and her eyes were sad and really scared.

She came closer and closer, but slowly, as if she was worried that I moved away because of her, as if telling me not to leave like the others probably do.

- I’m sorry to disturb you miss. I have nothing bad, I swear. Please don’t be scared. I have a skin cancer.

She was staring at me with a desperate look. I couldn’t react, I didn’t want to leave either. I just continued looking at her, trying to understand it: It was not a skin cancer… I know.

And during those few but long seconds, she starts crying.

I was quiet, I couldn’t speak or knew what to say. I just gave her some coins…

She thanked me without even looking to the money, as if that didn’t matter. And it didn’t… it was a need indeed, but not the solution.

- Thank you little lady. And next time you see me, please give me a smile.

She asked it as if that smile could save her. And it would, if everyone smiled to her…

I just don’t know if she asked for it because I smiled to her. I don’t even know if I smiled… but I cried, I cried with her, I cried about those few seconds with her, about her loneliness, her fragility, my selfish impotence.

I just hope I really smiled… she deserves it.

Shit.

-------------------------------------------------

Madrugada Lusitana

Lisboa é linda. São lindas as suas luzes nocturnas, os seus altos e baixos em colinas, as calçadas em branco e preto e os azulejos nos prédios. É lindo o eléctrico a subir e a descer, o fado a pairar no ar, o cheiro a peixe a sair pelas janelas abertas e o barulho das multidões a beber nas ruas.


São bonitos todos aqueles pequenos pormenores que me dariam pano para mangas para passar todo o dia de hoje a falar do quão linda é a cidade alfacinha. São tantos, esses pequenos grandes detalhes, que de certo teria de deixar o resto para amanhã.

E hoje, sentada nos degraus da Bica a deslumbrar a leve madrugada de uma paisagem lisboeta, quando as luzes já se começavam a apagar e as pessoas a dispersar, a desaparecer, uma rapariga aproxima-se.

Ela era muito magra e cansada, a pele com feridas e manchas, as roupas sujas, e os olhos tristes e muito assustados. Aproximou-se mais, mas devagar, com medo de me afastar, como se me prevenisse antes de eu sequer reagir numa suposta repudia.

- Desculpe menina. Eu não tenho nada de mal, juro. Não se assuste por favor. Tenho um cancro de pele e por isso tenho o corpo assim.

Ela olhou para mim, desesperada. Eu também olhei. Não reagi, não me afastei. Continuei a olha-la ainda numa tentativa de compreender. Não era um cancro de pele... eu sei.

E nesses poucos mas eternos segundos, ela começa a chorar.

Eu fiquei calada. Nào consegui falar nem sabia o que dizer. Dei-lhe só algumas moedas.
Ela agradeceu, sem sequer reparar no dinheiro, como se não fosse realmente importante. E não era... era uma necessidade, mas não a salvação.

- A próxima vez que me vir, dê-me um sorriso menina...

Pediu-mo, como se esse sorriso a fosse salvar. E salvaria, se toda a gente lhe sorrisse...

E não sei se ela mo pediu porque eu lhe sorri. Não sei sequer se sorri... mas chorei, chorei com ela, chorei aqueles poucos mas longos segundos, aquele desamparo num olhar, a minha impotência egoísta.

Só espero mesmo ter sorrido... ela merece.

Merda.

Saturday 7 August 2010

my day...

my song :)



Here I am with all the pleasures of the first world
Laid out before me who am I to breakdown?

Everyday I wake up,
I choose Love
I choose Light
And I try, it's too easy just to fall apart

Oh my baby don't be so distressed
Were done with politesse
It's time to be so brutally honest about
The way we think long for something fine
When we pine for higher ceilings
And bourgeois happy feelings

And here we are with the pleasures of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Everyday we wake up
We choose Love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart

Plastic Bottles
Imported Water
Cars we drive wherever we want to
Clothes we buy it's sweatshop labor
Drugs from corporate enablers
We're not living the Good life
Unless we're fighting the Good fight
You and Me just trying to get it right

In the center of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Everyday we wake up
We choose Love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart

Love can free us from all excess
From our deepest debts
Cause when our hearts are full we need much less

Yea i know we long for something fine
When we pine for higher ceilings
And bourgeois happy feelings

But Here we are in the center of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Here we are in the center of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Everyday we wake up
We choose Love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart

Everyday we wake up
We choose Love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart